The Right Questions: What Advocates Should Ask Parents During Intake

The intake conversation is where advocacy begins. It's the moment you discover not just what a parent says they need, but what's really happening beneath the surface. Some parents call with a clear request: "I need help with a manifestation determination." Others reach out with something vaguer: "The school just isn't listening" or "My child is struggling." Your job in that first conversation isn't just to gather facts. It's to understand the full story, identify the real issues, and determine whether you're the right advocate for this family. This guide breaks down the essential questions every advocate should ask during intake to set both you and the family up for success.

Why Intake Matters More Than You Think

New advocates often treat intake as a formality: get the child's name, grade, disability category, and the immediate concern. But effective intake does much more than that. It accomplishes four critical goals:

Start With the Big Picture

Before diving into specifics, you need context. These opening questions help you understand the landscape you're walking into.

"Tell me about your child."

This is an open-ended invitation, not a checklist. Let the parent talk. You'll learn a lot from what they choose to share first. Do they lead with their child's strengths or struggles? Do they talk about personality, interests, and relationships, or jump straight to test scores and diagnoses? Parents who start with "He loves dinosaurs and has the biggest heart" are in a different emotional place than parents who begin with "She's failing everything and the school blames us."

Listen for clues about the child's identity beyond their disability. Understanding who this child is as a person will help you frame advocacy around their needs and potential, not just their deficits.

"What made you reach out now?"

Timing tells you a lot. Did something specific just happen? An incident at school, a suspension, a report card, a meeting that went poorly? Or has the parent been struggling alone for months and finally reached a breaking point? Understanding the trigger helps you assess urgency and identify what the parent sees as the immediate crisis versus the ongoing pattern.

Sometimes the answer reveals a lot: "The principal told me I should get an advocate" might mean the school is trying to avoid a fight. "Another parent recommended you" signals trust. "I've been looking for help for a year but couldn't afford it" tells you about barriers and desperation.

"What are you hoping will change?"

This question gets at the parent's goals without putting words in their mouth. Some parents want specific outcomes: more hours of speech therapy, a different placement, an evaluation for dyslexia. Others want something less tangible: to feel heard, to understand their rights, to stop fighting alone.

Pay attention to whether their goals are concrete and achievable. "I want my child to read on grade level by the end of the year" is aspirational, but might not be realistic depending on the child's current level and disability. "I want the school to provide the reading intervention the evaluation recommended" is something you can advocate for. Part of your job is helping translate hopes into actionable advocacy goals.

Understand the Current Educational Situation

Now that you have context, dig into the details of the child's current educational services and struggles.

"Does your child have an IEP or a 504 Plan?"

This seems basic, but it's essential. Surprisingly, some parents aren't sure. They might say "I think it's an IEP?" or "They called it a learning plan." If the parent doesn't know or isn't sure what they have, that tells you there's confusion about their child's services that you'll need to clear up early.

If they have an IEP, find out when it was last updated. If it's more than a year old, that's a red flag. If they have a 504 Plan but the child clearly needs special education services, you may need to discuss requesting an evaluation for IEP eligibility.

"What's the disability category or diagnosis?"

Understanding the child's disability helps you know what to look for. A child with a specific learning disability in reading needs different supports than a child with autism or an emotional disturbance. If the parent mentions a medical diagnosis that's not reflected in the IEP category, that's worth noting. For example, a child diagnosed with ADHD by a doctor but only on a 504 Plan might qualify for an IEP under Other Health Impairment.

Also ask if the parent agrees with the eligibility category. Sometimes schools categorize a child in a way that doesn't match the parent's understanding or the child's primary needs. A child labeled Speech or Language Impairment who also has significant learning challenges might be better served under Specific Learning Disability.

"When was your child last evaluated?"

Evaluations drive everything. If the most recent evaluation is three years old or older, a reevaluation is due. If it's recent but the parent feels it missed important areas, you may need to discuss requesting an Independent Educational Evaluation (IEE) or additional assessments.

Ask if the parent agreed with the evaluation results. If they felt the evaluation was incomplete, inaccurate, or overlooked key concerns, that's a major issue. Also ask if the child has had private evaluations. Private assessments often reveal needs that school evaluations miss, and they can be powerful advocacy tools.

"What services is your child currently receiving?"

Parents should be able to tell you what services are in the IEP and how often they're provided. If they can't, that's a sign they either don't understand the IEP or they've never been given a clear explanation. Write down what they tell you: speech therapy twice a week, resource room for math, counseling once a month, extended time on tests.

Then ask the follow-up: "Is your child actually getting those services?" Implementation failures are incredibly common. Schools write services into an IEP and then don't provide them due to staffing shortages, scheduling conflicts, or just poor oversight. If a parent says "Well, the speech therapist has been out for two months and they haven't made up any sessions," you've just identified a serious compliance issue.

"How is your child doing academically and functionally right now?"

This question gets beyond the IEP to actual outcomes. Is the child making progress? Are they falling further behind? Are they meeting their IEP goals? Parents often have a gut sense of whether things are working, even if they can't articulate it in educational jargon.

Ask about grades, report cards, progress reports, and standardized test scores if the parent has them. But also ask about daily functioning. Can the child do their homework independently? Are they keeping up with peers? How are they doing socially and emotionally? Sometimes the academic data looks okay on paper but the child is struggling significantly in ways that aren't captured by grades or IEP progress monitoring.

Investigate the Relationship With the School

Advocacy doesn't happen in a vacuum. The history and current dynamic between the parent and school will shape every interaction moving forward.

"How would you describe your relationship with the school?"

This question surfaces a lot. Some parents have collaborative, trusting relationships with their school team. They disagree on specifics but generally feel heard and respected. Others describe feeling dismissed, blamed, or stonewalled. Some have been threatened with truancy charges or had CPS called on them for advocating. The tone of the relationship tells you how hard you'll have to work to rebuild trust and whether you're walking into a cooperative negotiation or a battle.

Pay attention to how the parent talks about school staff. Do they name specific people who are supportive? Do they describe feeling like it's "us versus them"? If the parent has a good relationship with the teacher but not the principal, or vice versa, that tells you where allies might be.

"Have you been to an IEP meeting recently? How did it go?"

Recent meetings reveal a lot about current dynamics. If the parent describes feeling ambushed, outnumbered, or confused, that's a sign the school isn't following best practices for parent participation. If the parent felt the team listened and collaborated, that's a good sign, even if there were disagreements.

Ask what happened at the last meeting. Did the parent sign the IEP? If they signed but didn't agree with parts of it, did they know they could partially agree and document their concerns? If they didn't sign, what was the school's response? Also ask if they received Prior Written Notice. Many schools skip this critical step, especially when they refuse a parent's request.

"Have you made any formal requests in writing?"

This question assesses whether the parent has already been advocating for themselves and how the school responded. If they requested an evaluation or additional services in writing and the school ignored it or denied it without proper notice, that's a procedural violation. If they've been making requests verbally but not in writing, you'll need to explain the importance of documentation.

Also ask if they have copies of their written requests and the school's responses. Many parents don't keep organized records, which makes advocacy harder but not impossible. If they do have documentation, ask them to send it to you before your next conversation.

"Has there been any talk of discipline, suspension, or behavior issues?"

Discipline is often where advocacy becomes urgent. If a child with an IEP is being suspended repeatedly, you need to know immediately. Ask how many times the child has been suspended this year and for how many days total. If they're approaching or past 10 cumulative days, that's a change of placement that triggers specific protections.

Find out if the child has a Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP) or Functional Behavioral Assessment (FBA). If behavior is an issue but there's no BIP, that's a problem. If there is a BIP but the school isn't following it, that's a different problem. Ask if the school has ever conducted a manifestation determination review. Many schools skip this or do it improperly.

Identify Procedural and Compliance Issues

Sometimes parents don't realize the school has violated procedures. These questions help you spot compliance problems that might not be obvious to the family.

"When was the last IEP meeting?"

IEPs must be reviewed annually. If it's been more than 12 months since the last annual review, the school is out of compliance. Parents often don't track this themselves, so you need to ask. If the IEP is overdue, you have immediate grounds to push for a meeting.

"Did you receive notice of the IEP meeting at least 10 days in advance?"

While IDEA doesn't specify exactly how much notice is required, best practice is 10 to 14 days. If the school is scheduling meetings with only a few days' notice or worse, surprising parents with unscheduled meetings, that's a problem. Parents need time to prepare, review documents, and arrange to attend.

"Has the school conducted any evaluations or assessments recently without asking your permission?"

Schools need parental consent before conducting evaluations (except for screening or assessments given to all students). If a school evaluated a child without consent, that's a serious violation. Similarly, if the school proposed a change in services or placement without providing Prior Written Notice, that's a procedural error that undermines parent participation rights.

"Have you received copies of all evaluations, progress reports, and IEP documents?"

Parents have a right to access their child's educational records, including evaluation reports, progress monitoring data, and IEP documents. If the school is refusing to provide records or making the parent jump through hoops to get them, that's a violation of both IDEA and FERPA. Ask when they last requested records and what the school's response was.

Assess Emotional and Practical Realities

Advocacy isn't just about law and procedures. It's about people. These questions help you understand the family's capacity, resources, and emotional state.

"How is this situation affecting you and your family?"

This question acknowledges that special education struggles take an emotional toll. Some parents are exhausted, burnt out, or dealing with depression and anxiety because of ongoing battles with the school. Others feel guilty, like they're failing their child. Some are angry and ready to fight. Understanding their emotional state helps you approach advocacy in a way that supports them, not just their child's IEP.

If a parent breaks down crying during intake, that tells you something important. If they're calm and matter-of-fact, that tells you something different. Both reactions are valid, but they might require different advocacy approaches. A parent who's emotionally raw might need you to take the lead in meetings and communications. A parent who's analytical and composed might prefer to be more hands-on.

"Do you have support? A partner, family members, friends who are helping you through this?"

Advocacy is easier when parents aren't isolated. If a parent has a spouse, partner, or family member who can attend meetings with them, share the mental load, and provide emotional support, that's a big help. If they're navigating this alone, whether due to single parenthood, divorce, or lack of family support, they may need more from you in terms of encouragement and practical guidance.

Also ask if anyone else is involved in advocating for the child. Have they consulted an attorney? Are they working with a parent advocate at a nonprofit? Knowing who else is in the picture prevents duplication of efforts and helps you coordinate your role.

"What's your availability like? Can you attend daytime meetings, or do you need virtual or after-hours options?"

Practical constraints matter. A parent who works two jobs and has three other children might not be able to attend a 10 a.m. IEP meeting at the school. Knowing their schedule helps you advocate for meeting times that actually allow parent participation, which is a legal requirement (34 CFR § 300.322).

This question also helps you assess how involved the parent can realistically be in the advocacy process. If they can't take time off work, you might need to handle more of the written communication and meeting prep on your own. If they have more flexibility, they might be able to attend meetings alongside you and participate actively.

"What's your budget for advocacy services?"

This is often an uncomfortable question, but it's necessary. You need to know if the family can afford your services and for how long. Some families can pay your full rate for a comprehensive engagement. Others can only afford a few hours of consultation. Some can't afford anything and need referrals to free or low-cost advocacy resources.

Be honest about your fees and what services fall within different budget ranges. A family with a limited budget might be better served by a one-time IEP review and consultation rather than ongoing advocacy they can't sustain. Knowing this up front prevents awkward conversations later about unpaid invoices and helps you refer families to appropriate resources if your services aren't a fit.

Determine Scope and Fit

Not every case is right for every advocate. These final questions help you decide if you're the right person for this family and if this case is within your capacity and expertise.

"What do you see as my role? What kind of support are you looking for?"

This question clarifies expectations. Some parents want an advocate to attend meetings and speak for them. Others want coaching so they can advocate for themselves. Some want someone to review documents and provide feedback. Others want full-service representation including drafting letters, requesting evaluations, and negotiating with the school.

If the parent's expectations don't match what you offer, it's better to know that now. You might be a consultant-style advocate who prefers to coach parents, but this family needs someone to take the reins. Or you might specialize in IEP development, but this family needs help with a due process hearing that's beyond your scope. Clarifying roles prevents frustration on both sides.

"Is there anything else I should know? Anything you're worried I'll judge or that you hesitated to mention?"

This is your chance to invite honesty. Sometimes parents hold back information because they're embarrassed or afraid you'll think poorly of them. Maybe their child has had multiple school placements because of behavior. Maybe the parent has been banned from campus. Maybe there are ongoing custody disputes or involvement with child protective services. Maybe the parent hasn't been following through on implementing strategies at home because they're overwhelmed.

You can't help if you don't have the full picture. Assure the parent that you're not there to judge, you're there to help. Whatever they share won't change your commitment to their child's rights, but it will help you advocate more effectively.

"Based on what you've told me, here's what I'm hearing. Does that sound right?"

Before ending the intake, summarize what you've learned. Reflect back the key issues, the parent's goals, and the next steps you see. This gives the parent a chance to correct any misunderstandings and confirms that you've truly listened. It also demonstrates your competence and gives the parent confidence that you understand their situation.

For example: "So it sounds like your main concerns are that the IEP goals aren't challenging enough, the school isn't providing the occupational therapy that's written in the IEP, and the teacher has been making comments that suggest they don't believe your son really needs special education. You're hoping to get an updated evaluation and revise the IEP to include more ambitious goals and make sure the services are actually being delivered. Does that capture it?"

After Intake: Decide and Communicate Clearly

Once you've completed the intake, you have a decision to make. Are you taking this case? If yes, what's the scope? If no, why not, and where can you refer the family?

If You're Moving Forward:

Send a clear, written summary of what you discussed, what you'll do next, and what you need from the parent. Include your fee structure, timeline, and expectations for communication. This isn't just professional, it's protective. It ensures both you and the parent are on the same page before you start working together.

Example: "Thank you for speaking with me today. Based on our conversation, I understand the main issues are [list]. My next steps will be to [list]. I'll need you to send me [documents] by [date]. I'll send you my service agreement and invoice, and once those are signed and paid, we'll schedule time to review the IEP in detail. Please let me know if you have any questions."

If You're Not Moving Forward:

Be honest but kind. Explain why you don't think you're the right fit, and offer alternatives. Maybe the case requires legal expertise beyond your scope, so you refer them to a special education attorney. Maybe they need free services and you can point them to a parent advocacy organization. Maybe their child's disability is outside your area of expertise, so you recommend an advocate who specializes in that area. Perhaps your schedule is full and you can recommend other qualified advocates who have availability.

Whatever the reason, never leave a family without guidance. A simple "I've thought about your situation, and I want to make sure you're connected with the right support. Here's why I think [other resource] might be a better fit, and here's who I recommend" is respectful and helpful. It leaves the door open for future referrals and builds your reputation as someone who puts families first.

Intake Is an Ongoing Skill

The questions in this guide are a starting point, not a script. Every family is different. Every situation is unique. As you gain experience, you'll develop instincts for which questions to ask when, how to follow up on vague answers, and when to push versus when to let something go.

You'll also get better at reading between the lines. A parent who's overly formal might be anxious about being judged. A parent who rambles might be processing trauma. A parent who's defensive might have been blamed by schools for their child's struggles. Your job is to meet them where they are, ask the questions that uncover what they truly need, and determine whether you're the right advocate to help them get it.

The intake conversation sets the foundation for everything that follows. Get it right, and you'll build trust, identify the real issues, and set both you and the family up for success. Rush through it or skip the hard questions, and you'll end up working on the wrong problem or worse, taking on a case you can't handle. Take your time. Ask thoughtfully. Listen deeply. That's where effective advocacy begins.

More Like This

View all